Desire Detained

It seemed that Augustus could never get Aryin alone. There always happened to be someone or something around, whether the disruptions came in the form of nosy college classmates, mood-killing phone calls from parents, or the plain old inevitability that the time just never seemed right, the pair always found it difficult to stow away from the outside world. Adding on to everything, it did not help that Aryin was away for three months.

“You’re awfully quiet,” a dry voice remarked.

Startled out of his musings, August glanced up, brows furrowed. Stopping in his tracks, he looked up. “What was that?”

Intent green eyes searching, Aryin studied his boyfriend. “You’re awfully quiet,” he repeated, nimble fingers toying with a single blade of grass a shade lighter than his eyes.

August cracked a small smile and took a hesitant step forward. It’s been so long… “It’s nothing. I was just thinking.”

“I can see that much,” Aryin grunted in response. Noting the closer proximity, he took a cautious step back.

It was as if the economics major was nervous with his partner. Having come out to only a handful of people, amongst many other reasons, he was wary. The couple was taking an easy stroll around campus following a particularly irksome day of lectures and student meet-ups. It was rather… pleasant, Aryin admitted, that he was able to spend the rest of the late afternoon without any particular plans save for spending time with a particularly… attractive liberal arts undergrad. Ten minutes into their stroll, however, his intuition already sensed that August wanted something so far left unspoken.

The tips of August’s ears reddened as he quickly drew back. “I—”

“—Don’t worry about it,” Aryin said lowly. Part of him was disappointed that his boyfriend drew away; part of him was disappointed that he himself drew away; and yet another small part of him was swiftly reminded that they were out in public.

With an uneasy breath Augustus pierced his lips together. “I didn’t-You didn’t even know what I was going to say.” Dropping his hands to his sides, he bit his lower lip, mind race. ''Was Aryin suspecting…? No! But-''

“August, I can read you like a book,” Aryin sighed. The blade of green was no stripped to nothing. Dropping the skeletal remains, he watched as it drifted past his shoes.

“What? No, I wasn’t…” Augustus trailed off, blushing furiously, the air about him thick with trepidation. Backpedaling, he searched Aryin’s impassive features in vain. The latter’s perfectly shaped brows were raised in a wordless question as he waited for August to finish speaking. Aside from the god amazing brows, Augustus found nothing that gave away his boyfriend’s emotions. ''Motherfucker, he’s beautiful. ''

Aryin watched as his boyfriend opened and closed his mouth, gaping like a fish out of water. Eyes lingering on August’s dry lips, he swallowed slowly. Three months spent in Europe had not changed how he saw his chestnut-headed, large eyed boyfriend. God, he missed August.

“It’s just,” Augustus took a shaky breath, “I haven’t seen you for half a year. Skype calls and video messages didn’t really help. And now, you’re finally back but… I feel as if you’re even more distant than before.” Biting his lip again, he winced at how desperate his words sounded to his own ears. Licking his lips in a hopeless effort to wet them, he let his right hand fly to the nape of his neck. Tugging the brown strands nervously, he fumbled, “I mean I… You- I think about—”

“No.” ''You’re not the only one. ''

“No?” August echoed dumbly. Squinting slightly, August ignored a group of female freshmen who shuffled past, eyes diverted, childish giggles escaping their mouths as they hurried off, gesturing towards his and Aryin’s direction. “What do you mean?” August could practically feel his heart racing in his chest, struggling to escape its limited confinement.

<p class="MsoNormal">Aryin squeezed his eyes shut tightly before opening them, staring straight into his partner’s blue eyes shining in earnest. “It’s not true,” he said simply. Stepping down forcefully on the quietly bubbling heat building in his stomach, he was unable to say anything more. Ever since a young age, Aryin found it difficult to “express his feelings,” unless someone asked specifically and directly; even then, it took a while for him to warm up and decidedly speak his mind. He didn’t know what people wanted to hear, and just the thought of guessing exhausted him.

<p class="MsoNormal">In this case, he was being prodded, but it still was not enough for him to open his mouth more than bare necessity. Even with his boyfriend of half a year. For Aryin, speaking up and oral communication did not come naturally. A dozen thoughts raced through his mind, clear and distinct, but they were just thoughts—he simply found it difficult to mold them into intelligible words.

<p class="MsoNormal">Struggling to maintain complete composure, he managed to work his legs. Knowing that August would follow, he headed towards the campus entrance.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Aryin…? Where are you…?” August shut his mouth quickly. With a quick blink, he realized what was happening. Understanding dawning his soft features, he hurried after his long-legged boyfriend. Since confessing nearly six months ago, Augustus knew that Aryin disliked causing scenes- especially publicly- and preferred, if things ever came down to it, to talk behind closed doors.

<p class="MsoNormal">Even in a long distance relationship, with Skype calls and FaceTime videos, Aryin had always preferred times they were both alone. Keeping several paces behind the green-eyed college third year, August got the perfect view of the latter’s ramrod straight back. Dressed simply but tastefully in a worn black jacket and maroon scarf, Aryin was not broad shouldered. The way he held and carried himself despite everything, however, struck a chord within Augustus.

<p class="MsoNormal">Aryin turned around when they reached the campus outskirts. Wondering silently why the Augustus seemed to avoid walking side by side with him, Aryin rubbed his temples. Heart uncharacteristically aflutter, his fingers quaked ever so slightly. The warmth in his stomach had slowly spread up his chest, intertwining itself with the muscles throughout his torso and upper body. Struggling internally to find his words, Aryin studied Augustus’ flushed cheeks and cursed.

<p class="MsoNormal">Augustus took a hesitantly initiative step forward, sensing his boyfriend’s silent unease. “Hey,” he said softly staring gently up at the conflicted green eyes, “I’m sorry. For you know, making you uncomfortable.” Seeing as Aryin was not pulling back, August lifted a hand and slowly dropped it on the third year’s shoulder. As soon as he did, he felt vibrant bolts of electricity shoot up his fingertips, weakening his arms and turning them into Jell-O.

<p class="MsoNormal">As primal instinct took over, August stood on tiptoe in his navy converses. Finding himself at eye level with his perplexed boyfriend, Augustus kept his hand where it was and tilted his head slowly, shyly, to the side. In a tender motion, he planted a soft kiss on Aryin’s thin lips. Closing his eyes, August lingered for a long second before pulling back. Resting on his heels again, August ran his tongue across his lips slowly, the faintest tang of tangerines and cinnamon resting on his tongue.

<p class="MsoNormal">Aryin froze at the unexpected action. As the blood rushed to his face and pounded in his ears, he clenched his fists. ''Jesus Christ, August. ''“What was that for?” he breathed out.

<p class="MsoNormal">Startled, August’s eyes widened. “I thought…”

<p class="MsoNormal">Taking long breaths, Aryin attempted to still his nerves, but all in vain. Fraught with random bolts of electricity coursing through his veins, he forced words out of his mouth. “What was that for?” he repeated, voice struggling to stay level.

<p class="MsoNormal">“What do you really think of me? Of us?” August bit his upper lip this time, scolding himself. ''What the fuck was that for? Why did—''

<p class="MsoNormal">Aryin crossed his arms slowly. Hell, he still wanted to avoid topics such as this despite being asked directly. Raising an eyebrow, a small smile played at the corner of his lips. “Would you like me to show you?” ''Damn, that was bold. ''

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yes!” August cried, throwing his hands up into the air with exasperation. “Sometimes, you are so difficult to understand. You know that? I can’t seem to guess what you are thinking, I can’t even begin hoping to know what you think. You hardly tell me. You hardly rant, you don’t tell me.” The brown haired student inhaled sharply and plowed forward, for fear of losing courage. “When you went to Europe, I thought that I’d come visit you—you already know that, and dear lord, I really wanted to. But whenever I brought it up, it seemed as if you didn’t care. You always texted so casually, spoke very little- unless it was about something you cared about; even then, you sometimes suddenly went quiet. I find it so hard to understand you but I just—”

<p class="MsoNormal">Interrupting his rambling, Aryin grabbed August’s wrist, shaking off all voices of reason. “I’m sorry,” he said lowly, “for all that.” Guiding him towards an oak tree, he exhaled unsteadily.

<p class="MsoNormal">Taken by surprise, August stumbled into a walk and glanced down at Aryin’s slender fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Aryin?” he asked hesitantly. ''I stepped over the boundaries. ''“I shouldn’t have—”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Stop apologizing,” Aryin muttered. Running his eyes across his boyfriend’s flushed face, Aryin pinned him gently yet insistently against the cool, rough bark.

<p class="MsoNormal">Pinning Augustus’ right wrist again the trunk, Aryin’s eyes roamed the body underneath him. I shouldn’t be—

<p class="MsoNormal">Blaze it.

<p class="MsoNormal">Brazen emerald and bright azure clashed in a heated gaze. Supporting his body with palms spread against the trunk, Aryin dipped his head and captured August’s lips in his own. Almost immediately, contact was deepened.

<p class="MsoNormal">August pressed closer to Aryin’s body, one hand moving instinctively towards the dark-haired student’s smooth cheek.

<p class="MsoNormal">Leaning into the touch, Aryin moaned involuntarily and moved a hand down to the V of his partner’s back. Lips parting slightly, he asked for fervent access. As his request was granted with equal, if not more, insistence, he roamed Augustus’ mouth, exploring shamelessly. Aryin’s cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red when he dimly realized that his face was being cupped lovingly, desperately, and heatedly all at once. August’s breath came in short staccatos as he trailed his hands down to his boyfriend’s neck. Thumbs resting lightly against the collarbones, he curled his fingers into the red scarf raveled loosely around Aryin’s shoulders.

<p class="MsoNormal">August’s breathing turned shallow and ragged as he nipped his boyfriend’s lower lip. Pressing his stomach against Aryin’s, Augustus closed his eyes, relishing the sensation of fire spiking every inch of his skin.

<p class="MsoNormal">Practically sandwiching his boyfriend against the tree in carnal longing, Aryin felt his lungs begin to burn from lack of oxygen. Breathing unevenly, he lowered his arms and wrapped Augustus’ waist in a loose hug. Drawing away slightly, he shuddered pleasantly when Augustus’ nose brushed against his cheek.

<p class="MsoNormal">Augustus’ felt his insides melt as Aryin’s distinct cinnamon-apple scent intoxicated his senses. Gulping for air greedily, he untangled his hands from Aryin’s limbs and pulled the latter closer than imaginable. Tipping his head upward, his lustful blue eyes bore into Aryin’s heated green gaze.

<p class="MsoNormal">Panting like a puppy- he sure looked the part, Aryin thought foggily- August smiled goofily, swollen lips and all. Augustus opened his mouth to speak before closing it again, groin aching with desire and chest bursting with earnest affection.

<p class="MsoNormal">As emotions only swelled, day in the real world was drawing to a close. As soft oranges and pinks painted the spring sky with generous strokes while birds gathered on the highest branches in their last burst of song before nightfall. On the grass in the soft shadows however, sunset only served to bathe the moment in a surreal flow. It was as if the pair had forgotten their surroundings- Aryin especially- as their heads swam within each other’s gazes. The anxiety that would be caused by the passersby and general public dissolved into heartfelt stares of wordless sincerity.

<p class="MsoNormal">Not for a moment did Aryin’s gaze wander. Wrapped in each other’s arms, his heartbeat accelerated as he felt August’s nose bury against the many folds of cloth and into the crook of his neck. Smiling softly, Aryin gazed down fondly at the familiar mop of brown hair before closing his eyes. Swallowing hard, he muttered, “I… missed that… A lot.” I want you.

<p class="MsoNormal">August smiled gaily into Aryin’s scarf as his fingers tightened their grasp against the familiar leather jacket. Wordlessly, he lifted his head, hair falling in front of his left eye. Standing on slight tiptoe, he stroked Aryin’s cheek slowly before pressing a short, chaste kiss onto his boyfriend’s equally swollen lips. “And I missed you,” he said quietly. And I want you.

<p class="MsoNormal">The two savored the spine-tingling, mind-numbing sensation of unvoiced anticipation.

<p class="MsoNormal">Having little control over his actions, Aryin dipped his head and planted a long, firm kiss onto August’s lips. Smirking lightly, Augustus’ short yelp of bewilderment was muffled by the unexpected contact. The blue-eyed brunet swallowed a quiet whimper of pleasure as Aryin nibbled his lower lip ever so gently. Nether regions throbbing, August pressed hard against Aryin’s jeans.

<p class="MsoNormal">“We…” Aryin breathed raggedly, pausing his actions for a moment, “We’re in,” he kissed August again, “in public,” he whispered with difficulty. God, he didn’t want to stop. But… Upon hearing his own words, his eyes widened in delayed realization. Pulling away, he stumbled backwards. I shouldn’t be-

<p class="MsoNormal">“Aryin?” Augustus said throatily, puzzled, “It’s okay. I won’t—”

<p class="MsoNormal">Emerald eyes downcast, Aryin ran a slender hand through his dark brown hair. Mind still veering, he shook his head slowly, a vexed expression on his face. ''It’s not okay. Why didn’t I stop myself? ''

<p class="MsoNormal">It’s not like you wanted to, a small voice squeaked.

<p class="MsoNormal">''What if people saw? ''

<p class="MsoNormal">Augustus felt as if his stomach took a plunge from the summit of Mount Everest. Despite what happened less the ten minutes ago, his doubts and misgivings came flooding back. He hated how Aryin was pulling his barrier back up; he hated how the latter was still so uneasy to display affection openly in public- Augustus innately knew that he himself would cease all protest should Aryin hold his hand or even allow quick kisses on the cheek.

<p class="MsoNormal">Three months really hadn’t changed anything.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">“Man, that sure was something.” A slow, deliberate clap cut through the thick tension like a blade.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">“What—“ Augustus started, confusion etched into his features. “_____?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">With a low whistle, ____ gave a distracted wave. Lit cellphone in one hand, the androgynous third year said, “This is much better than what I find on PornHub.” Pausing for a short moment, he tapped his chin with an index finger. “Not quite at Avatar level—nowhere near Azula intensity, come to think of it, but definitely above Aang and his tiny dick.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">Much to Augustus’ surprise and disappointment, Aryin actually chuckled at _____’s nonsensical “analysis.” ''Chuckled! ''Twitching, August frowned in dismay. “What are you doing here, _____?” he asked, voice on edge.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">“Getting a free show, obviously,” ____ replied, waggling his eyebrows. In a teasing voice, he said, “I daresay you look better than couple x couple in their fan modes.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">Aryin scoffed. Grateful for the distraction, he said. “Those two literally call each other a two nicknames. How’re you?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">August squinted at Aryin’s change of character but said nothing. He desperately wanted to talk to his boyfriend. Alone. And most definitely not with someone who talked about porn and Avatar: The Last Airbender on a daily basis. Augustus had made up his mind – he wanted answers.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">“Oh, well,” _____ waved a hand, shrugging. “Some idiot can’t speak nor write with proper grammar, and I am on the hunt for her. You know, to give her a piece of my mind.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">''That’s it. ''Interjecting quickly, Augustus stepped up and grabbed Aryin’s wrist. Urgently, he pressed a small butterfly kiss to his partner’s cheek.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">_____ hummed. “You two were groping one another roughly fifteen minutes ago. I’ll leave you two at it. ”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">Ignoring ____’s comment, Aryin’s eyes widened in surprise at August’s rash action. Perplexed, he caught Augustus’ eye for a split second before hastily looking away. I specifically said not with an audience…

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">Augustus winced evidently, reading his boyfriend expertly.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">Aryin licked his lips slowly. “I have to meet up with Ana soon,” he said cautiously, heart in his throat. Standing still as silence settled over the three, he nodded, mostly to himself, and said briskly, “See you guys later.” ''Jesus fucking Christ. ''Without another word, he turned on his heel and started down the street.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">Pressing a hand against his temples, Aryin quickened his pace. With a gulp, he already regretted his actions.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">“Aryin! Wait!” With a distressed groan, Augustus moved to hurry after his boyfriend. ''I’m such a fucking idiot. ''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">''You can’t stop kissing him, can you? ''the back of his mind taunted.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">A pair of feminine fingertips took a hold of Augustus’ flannel collar.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">____’s neutral voice stopped him midstep. “Not so fast. Give him some time alone.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">“He’s been alone these past three months,” Augustus muttered bitterly.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">____ pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’ll come around. Soon enough, he’ll talk. You’ll see—he’s always been that way.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">August snorted, but said nothing.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">Looking up at the nearly-dark sky, _____ stuffed his phone into his pocket. “Guess I ought to go too. See you around.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">''Is there… Is there something going on between ____ and Aryin? ''Groaning, August massaged his temples. Watching ____’s retreating figure, he waited several moments before turning down the street himself.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="border-width:initial;border-style:none;padding:0in;">Like the past ninety days, Augustus’ walked home alone.